Coming up only to hold you under,

Fuck all that. I'm fed up with this feeling of bullshit. NO MORE negativity. Take me away. Get me out of here. Free me from this state of mind in which I'm forever trapped in. I don't need anymore. Get the fuck out.


This feeling.. That seems as if I fail. Failfailfail. Is that what Oliver was put on this earth to do ? To be seen as a failure ? To be called a failure ? To simply put, fail ? Wtf is this ? What kind of person have I become ? I now question my own persona, andd through all this tracing to the direct source.. I've found yet nothing. Could if be emotion ? The air that I breath ? The things I see.. Anything I'm exposedd to.. Does that alter my state of mind that once kept me solid and successful ? Is this useless contemplating and ranting not aiding in a change of path ?




"Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road you're on."
-Led Zeppelin




Why Is this only now that I've come to feel this way ? Have I simply, not cared about it ? i-d-g-a-f ? Where the hell is that gettting me ?



"We were all born hungry in this world alone"
-Tupac Shakur

No good deed goes unpunished. For every action taken, there's a consequence. I'm aware of all this.. Yet my mind remains fixed facing a negative direction. I alone can change this. Any one of us can. This blog may simply be pointless. Fact, everything in this world or life as we know it can be pointless. But what can you do but pick up what everything and everyone drops just for you. To examine andd learn. To not make the same mistake twice.

There's always time.

There will be no end. End is only as we know it. How we see it, what we want it.




Press on

Peaceland ,

Wow.. Man, I love blogging. It's been quite a while since I last went on.. Soo much has happened since then..


basically..



-Kicked out of the house
-Begged to come back
-Skating
-Bullshit
-Skating
-Another weird dream



Yeah.. Don't ask about the first two..



I'm always failing at life in general seemingly. You're in no position to judge me.


I mean.. Whatever. What can I say.






As life continues to move on. Hopefully it'll gradually progress into success that reaches a long desired state of pure atonement..







Jump off a cliff .

Dreams !

First, I woke up in my dream in this place.. It was like. This tower with a continuous staircase that goes up to 20 floors. Each floor looked exactly the same. People lived on that floor. It was like.. A logcabin on every floor. Wooden floors. Wooden stairs. The stairs would transcend like the ones in my house. There were large rooms on every floor where people would sleep. The walls were windowed with an old dusty texture surrounding the rooms in little block shapes. There were numerous beds in these rooms, like a hospital. But I remember reading the word "Inn" In my dream.. So it must be an Inn ? Everyone I've ever encountered in my whole life was in that dream. But.. Later. I walked down the long steps to leave the building. The 1st floor looked like the office at RHS. I walk outside to find that we're in a city. A stronghold. A fortress ? A huge circular city surrounded by a gated brick wall like at Rodriguez. There were ugly looking houses and dull looking people. Nobody was happy.. I saw Tower Mart and people inside. Familiar faces. Most of them I could point out. The city was just filled with people I've encountered. I traversed to the west side of the city and sit down on a bench that said "West" indicating the district of the city ? Out of the corner of my eye, I see somebody fall from a small building.. He appeared to be this blonde working male. My friends Dad ! He got up and walked with a flail stride and groaned strrangely.. He erected with a pale face and uncoordinated body.. He was bleeding heavily from the mouth. This little guy with glasses riding a bike passed by the blonde, pale man. The man grabbed the boy and bit his head off. Drinking his innocent body fluids. The little boys body soon erected, with a disembodied head.. And his behavior altered to match the blond
e mans.


Zombies.



I stand up quickly, and told everybody to get in the tower. The tower I awoke stretched across the whole city I guess.. They run up these stairs by the fortress wall that lead into the tower.. I follow behind them socking zombies along the way. I run up the stairs after them and enter the tower's 2nd floor building of the west district. It was designed the exact same as the North districts, from which I awoke. Me, this 7th grader I saw walking home, Lauren Sunga, Jullian Angue, Robby Harina were gathered in this part of the building. I told them to come with me, and told the other familiar faces in the building to do the same. The stairs became flooded with people with a confused, yet pale, frightened look on their face. They all followed me to our run to the east side of the city. We descended down stairs to exit near a gate of the fortress wall, and find people at a park. We tell them to warn everybody that we must evacuate the city out the main gate. It was too late.. Swarms of the infected have already made their way to the east district. More and more were getting infected. Infected hosts leaving stores, walking out of bathrooms, Surrounding the tower. I tell everybody to run to the main gate while I take care of the Zombies ? I pull out this Rocket launcher out of nowhere, and fire it as if it were a machine gun at the infected. I see David C. and Manmeeet Singh run out of the fire and towards the uninfected crowd to join on the stampede to the main gate. I fire some more and own shitloads of zombies ! They're all on fire and just falling all over the place. But there was still more. Allll of them familiar faces. They were in the hundreds, if not thousands still heading towards us. I fire 3 more shots to make more fire in their path and run towards the main gate. It was cool, the rocket launcher sounds sounded like the Thai fighters in Star Wars. I turn around quickly for some reason ? And go back into the tower. I warn people still on the floors by yelling up the stairwell. About 200 people ran outside after down the stairs and out the building.. I saw this random girl in my Geometry class texting / running at the same time. We all go outside and she was fighting this zombie WHILE texting ? Wtf ? Then they head out the main gate and I lock it. Sealing about 3000 zombies in it's host city. There was a small cabin on the outskirts of the circular fortress. I go inside, but the thousands of people were just crying and yelling and cursing. I find that it's an inn, like the ones in Final Fantasy ? Then I use the bed, and it makes the sleeping sound. Then I wake up, and go to this save point. And save my game.. Then wake up.


WTF?!

There's something in the air, whoa-ohhh.

It's funny how complex human feelings can be. Especially when they resonate with music. How a song can make me embrace the arms of death but appreciating the contrary vision of life displayed before my feeble view of adolescence..


Feelings that question myself. Contradicting the very fibers of my beliefs. Contradicting life itself and those involved.


How in the end.. Life is always goood. Because of how I feel.. Because of what I do. Influenced simply by wishes. Prayer. Music. Skateboard..

What can you possibly ask for.

I'm blessed to have these things in my life.. Passionate tools that I use to pave my path to happiness.. Nothing phases me. Just me, my wishes.. Prayers.. My music.. And my skateboard.



Pure bliss.


With these.. I'm invincible. Peacefully blissful in life, yet consoled in death.. Reason to keep my steady stride everyday. Motivating me to pursue what I wish..









It is only passion for what I love that runs through my veins and keeps me breathing. And those I share it with.. Embrace it. For life it short.











Lets skate.

Between the click of the light, and the start.. Of the dream.

Warning: This post contains mass ventage and you might not know wtf I'm talking about but dilligaf ? I'mma do it anyway.







Skateboarding. Ohgod.. It's just simply put. "Complicated"

I wonder why when I skate.. And I'm just landing nada. Why am I even skating ? What's the point ? But then I smell that satisfaction of bolts. And there I go.. Skating again. What's the point of skating when you're not the bamf that everybody wants to see ? It's like asking.. Why do you breath when everyone else does ? What makes you so tight ?


Shit. It's nothing to be questioned. Or even put down for that matter. Get out there, and do what makes you happy.


I need dramatic change in life in general. Get me out of this house, I don't belong here. It's fucking simple. Just look at how miserable the people here look. I'm the only one who's always happy. Everyone else is just.. Dead. Wtf is wrong with you ? Wth are you teaching your children with your constant arguments ? Punishment.. Makes no difference ? Look what you're doing to him. Like that's gonna help ? You're sad. Look at yourself. This is your fault too, suck it up Barbie. You're the one fucking up here. You can't just tell him he has to move out.. And he comes back. Everything will just, dramatically change right ? FUCKINGNOYOUDUMBBITCH! You've made no effort to talk to him. If you have, why haven't I seen ? Why can't you simply be happy for one fucking second to make life easier for those around you. I'm sick of your face. You're always praising your accomplishments like you're a fucking genius and some shit. Like anyone wants to be you ? A miserable sack of shit that gives everybody else a hard time because you can't get your shit together. Why don't you go cry or go sleep on the couch to show how bad ass you are. You can't tell me shit. Until you've got your shit together, you can't tell me SHIT.



I'm not one to talk ? Bitch, this is your fault. Always saying I'm cuttin' up.. If I were to put some actual effort it, will it make a fucking difference ? NO! Because I'll be doing what you want. Why should I put effort to make you happy, when I just fail all the time ? Do we ever eat together as a family ? No. Do we have family time ? No. And you're wondering why.. "You never spend time with the family." BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL BULLSHIT! You're just going to be emo and all that other shit I'm trying to get away from. Fuck that. Nobody wants that shit. Why do you think I loath being home ? Why do you think I'd rather stay the night somewhere else rather than sleep in this house ? Is this even HOME ?! And.. The other night. You had the fucking nerve. To tell me my mother wasn't a mother. She was a friend, not a mother.


You're lucky I didn't sock you straight in the face.



Ohh the homicidal visions that run through my mind when you piss me off.


I've probably been through more shit than you have. You act like you know, you don't bitch. You're still wondering.. Why is Oliver so different ? Why can't he be like me, the perfect beautiful whore that has her shit together ? I'm not you, and you don't have your shit together. You're a lie.



You need to check yourself woman.




Females.. Femalesfemales. When will they fucking make up their mind ?


One second ily, the next there's this other guy outta nowhere ?



How the fxck can you do that ? Are you on one ? A couple ? Who the hell are you ? You fake bitch. And now you comfort me, surrounding me in your cloak false words. A simple implement signaling how predictable you are. Be real one time, and you'll take less shit. I had a talk with a cool person today.. And what she told me about what's going on with her, made me realize how similar my thinking is. So..



I'm down, if you're down. Because I'm to a point where idgaf anymore. Be you, I'll be me. Nuff said. I'm tired of your bullshit. Tell me what's up, I'm tired of having to ask you because you're throwing all these signs at me that you want me to ask.




































Give me change

If that's what chu' want alrighhht.

I desperately need a heavy dose of adrenaline


I desperately need more of an exciting feel right now. Things just.. Have been too bullshxt and too chill. I feel as if I'm waiting for dramatic positive change that will relieve me from how I feel now.








kdone, hiatus.

But how much time are you gonna take ? Too much would be a mistake ,

This is funny.. Chillin' in my room with Robby watching him play grand theft auto with 928374238974 cheats on.. LMFAO! Yeah, it's goood. We skipped school, didn't feel like going ?


I've now come to realize how reliant I am on my idgaf-like attitude. Although it helps me get through everything, I don't think it's goood for me. I need to learn to think things through more.. Or I could just be overthinking things as well ?


Atm, things are chill. Crazy at the same time ? Flirting like crazy lately, notsogoodstuff there. But yeah, that one cutie. Impressive. ;) You know who you are ? Ahaha , Only one slightlymajor negative factor on that part.. But then again, idgaf. See where it comes into play ? When there's con-like negativity. I just think.. idgaf. And I move on with life and stay happy. Just go push some wood with my happiness and live life like I want to.


I might not know now what I def' want in life.. But factual, I know what I don't want. Should clear the air on my path of life towards the future. I tend to think with my head in the clouds. I'm here.. But my mind is just somewhere elsee.


And I sit here grateful for what I have in life and stay happy and simultaneously, desperately look for academic motivation .


You get it'

Dancing around the truth,

It was all there. Allll under my nose the whole time. Everything was.. I was just locked in a whirpool of denial too deep to save myself. I simply forced myself to adjust to a mindset where everything is just fine. Despite my harsh feelings of denial deep inside.. Although how I displayed my emotions so evident, luminous light floods through the pores of uncertainty within myself. I was portrayed as a joyous figure that feels not the slightest bit of grief. This of course is impossible, I feel grief with every step I take. Yet, I refuse to regret. Never regret.. For I'd rather feel the excruciating pain of needles than confront the dreadful face of regret. Negative nothingness will never rule my fixed mindset. This light will continue to glow. It brings a relieving crease to my face when I've uplifted the spirits of the sad. Pushing, myself only further. Gratefulness; embedded in calm chest.


Back straight, arms calm. I walk tall.

I'm calling all the time I know I interrupt, but it hurts when all I hear is you hangin' up. And la da da da da da da, I'm scared to try that again.



I've nothing to say about this. What's done is done, said is said. We cannot take back. No regrets.

Break it down,

Hiatushiatushiatus. Gahhhdamn I'm facking lazy. I can't even make a blog on the daily. -____-"


ANYWAYS, a LOT has happened over the past couple of days..

Sunday
Groundzero skate comp ! It was so fun.. My first time competing. I met like, 23948723498 pros that day. Jimmy Carlin, Corey Duffel, Omar Salazar, a LOT. I was too nervous.. I fucked up on my first run. I didn't land nada. The second round I came back tho, it just wasn't enough for me to place because I cut up too badd on the first round. It's hard when there's 700 people watching you skate ! I thought it was gonna be jam session.. Where we're all skating at the same time, like how last year was. I could do that.. I was thinking. Because in the free skate / practice. I was hitting things left and right. I thought I had it in the bag.. But oh well, I'mma come back with a bang next yeah. Muahaha. >=D.

Other than that, it was just really fun.. There's no other feeling like it. Being surrounded be people who love to skate as much as you do. Legendary people, beginners, niggas that just kill it. All kinds of people coming to skate. It's just a great feeling. I GOTTA go next year. And the year after, and after, and so on so forth. I'mma be driving by then so it's all gonna work out goood. YAY! =)




Monday
LOL, Jullian comes over to my house. "WE CAN'T RIDE WITH MY DAD." Robby comes." FRILL?!"


We ask Aeriel if she could drive us to school, she came around 8:50ish. We were just playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas to pass the time. xD that game never gets old.. Always hella funny. HAHA!

Aeriel came, HELLA sick.. I felt badd for her.. She couldn't see ! And there we were, making us drive her to school. Well.. Not making but.. Yeah.. I was feeling badd for her, and we decided she should just drop us off by gvms, and we'll walk from there so she could go home and rest. We took the shortcut throught the fucking woods.. Ahhh fuck. Then we were just talking about stuff, it was pretty cool. We showed Jullian places where me and Robby had our one hell of a Tuesday. Like where we took a nap, and where we wrote stuff on the bridge by Oakbrook. And the haunted house.. Scary.. Robby took a picture, and a video of it.


Sooo, we end up in school with some bitchass excuse. Tardy.. FUCK. Unexcused.. W/e, we make it to 3rd period, in the middle or so. And school was lame after that. Afterschool.. We had to walk home. Robbys phone was acting up.. We would call people, and hear whispers and stuff like that.. And we would call his voicemail, or my housephone. And hear ourselves. It was creeping us out.. We called my OLD phone, and it went like.. "*Robbys voice* SUP?! askjfdsflk Verizon wireless cannot STATICCCCC" I got hella scared and dropped the phone. It just scared the shit out of me.. The funny thing is, as soon as we deleted the picture and video of the haunted house, it was alll good.. No more malfunctions with his phone.. We all agreed it was EVP. SCARY,



Tuesday
Oh god, CRAZY. Too damn funny too. Woke up, waited for Robby. That nigga was NOT coming.. So I called him at like 7:15. He's at school already?! I go to Jullians, he left. CRAP. No ride to school.. I'm not trying to get a tardy and get a detention after MONDAY. -_____-" So like, I call up my Dad. He was surprisingly cool with it. "Okay, just do your homework and lock up right if you're gonna go skate." Damn ! Haha ! So I call up my nigga Matt tho, I woke him up I think.. Haha. Yeah, he was down to skate. I headed over to his house in the next couple of hours and seshed his rail with Kevin. Don don't skate rail ? BOOM BITCH, I got frontboards now. Feeling hella happy. It was my first day learning them too, and Don says I got them pretty steezy. Feeeling good. We went to the ledge spot by the library. Kevin.. And his ganger ass line. Front tail, 3flip, backtail. DAMN.


Chill skate other than that. I tried to get crooks on lock, not happening. But oh well, we headed back home soon after. Chilled at Matts for a bit. I headed back home, and Robby came over to fix his board with the tools that I had. I FORGOT MY TOOL AT MATTS. Shit.. Ohwelll, then we called over Junelle ! YAY, she took pictures, and we bothered Jullian so he could hang out with us, and we just chill skated and had fun. Kickin' it with Junelle is cooool.





Wednesday
Got to school ! ON TIME, thanks Junelle ! ={D School was passing by extremely fast. Then, walking to 2nd period. I ran into Lorraine.. "We need to talk" she says.. I already knew what it was about. So then we started talking, and I walked her to choir. We were just talking about how she's so busy and stuff like that, and how we're not really able to see each other a lot.. It pretty much ended there. After that, we had to go to class. PE = PICTURES. That's pretty much all we did.. Yeah.. Check the myspace album ! Haha. And then at lunch, Lorraine found me ! We went to go sit somewhere alone and talk..


"I wanna be committed to you but I don't know how we're gonna work.. You're doing a great job as a boyfriend and everything, it's just that we barely see each other.. I'm so busy with guard, and friends, and family.. I barely get to see you."


That's what she told me.. And I was trippin' off that all along, but I finallly understood how she felt.. I felt relieved. We just talked it over.. And we got to understand each other. And she is right tho.. What kind of relationship is this if we barely see each other ? None of us are really feelin' that.. We both decided to give it a month, and see if everything goes good.. If it doesn't then.. You know.. =/


AHHH! That made me think so negative tho.. I mean yeah, I know now how she feels about us and blahblah. But still.. There's still that chance that US will be no more. I don't want that.. I'm tired of good things ending all the time for crappy reasons. I just wish we could see each other more. She's so busy, and has no time for me.. But we both understand each other, which still kept me feeling good.. I keep thinking like.. Everytime I think about her. "Ahhh.. Possibility of one month left.. =/" It feels so whack.. I don't like it. It phases me too much. I'm thinking of it as I type.. AHHHH.


But I stay positive, and smile. And enjoy it while I can. =) Cas I know she likes me still.. I see it in her eyes, and feel it in her hand. But there's uncertainty among US staying together for a whackjob reason that neither of us like..


It's all gooodnoodles tho.


Cas I'm still =)



AFTERSCHOOL, everybody comes to skate. It was dope, and funny. GRAAAANDMA! LMFAO! HAHA. Matt's hella funny.. THE END,







Thursday
WOOOOT! A GREAT day it was. School just went WHOOOSH. When I thought it was gonna be slow ? Anyways, normal day at school. Kicked it with everybody.


Got home, Matt calls ? "What's up with you and Janine tho ? She's gonna come with us to skate today. Is that coool ? I heard you like her."


They're trying to hook me up with her, when I'm not even tryinggg to get with her. Nahhhway, I don't play that. I stay committed and I wouldn't do that to Lorraine.. Plus I'm not even feeling Janine ! I just said she looked OLDER. Like, a month ago. Real talk. Wtf ? And just cas we were talking on myspace saying stuff like "Hi, sup tho ? How was your day ? Haha." Talking like normal people.. Now Jasmine and Matt are trying to hook me up with her cas I think she likes me. -_____-"


OTHER THAN THAT, WHOA?! Everybody comes to my house. Junelle, Robby, Jullian, Tia, Daniel, and yours truly had a coool kick it. Check out Junelles pictures ! Explains it all.. It was fun ! We need more kick it days like that..













DAMN THAT WAS A LONG ASS BLOG, KDONE.

I'm a storybook people rarely open, NUFF SAID'

[19:14] tangakidd: Hi ! ={D
[19:15] junaysMADWACk: Hey ! (: you always seem enthusiastic. or more like happy and positive all the time. why ?
[19:15] tangakidd: Because, I'm naturally like that.
[19:15] tangakidd: It's funny..
[19:15] tangakidd: How you would ask that question.
[19:16] tangakidd: One that would wonder about this smile I always have on my face. The happy vibe I tend to give off.
[19:16] tangakidd: The positive force that emits from my speech.
[19:18] junaysMADWACk: I know, but like..How you do that ?
[19:18] junaysMADWACk: for Myself, its impossible.
[19:18] tangakidd: I'm scared to answer that question..
[19:18] tangakidd: It's quite a mood killer.
[19:18] tangakidd: But I will anyway.
[19:18] tangakidd: Care to listen ?
[19:21] junaysMADWACk: Yes, if I really didn't want to know, wouldn't you think I wouldn't even bother to be so inquisitive to be bothering to asks.
[19:21] tangakidd: I recognize your concern.
[19:21] tangakidd: And I apologize for hesitating.
[19:21] junaysMADWACk: No need to apologize at all
[19:22] tangakidd: It's just that I'm scared that you wouldn't care to hear my story.
[19:22] tangakidd: However, I'll just cut it straight. Make it brief.
[19:22] junaysMADWACk: Well my opinion. Everyone has a story, and it needs to be heard.
[19:23] junaysMADWACk: So i would love to hear yours
[19:23] tangakidd: I adore that. =)
[19:23] tangakidd: And I applaud your positive mindset.
[19:23] junaysMADWACk: whyy Thank you(:


[19:23] tangakidd: I was born with divorced parents. And only child..


[19:23] tangakidd: A nuisance, if you will.


[19:23] tangakidd: Good for nothing, just getting in the way.


[19:23] tangakidd: Where allll the money went.


[19:24] tangakidd: Was for me and my future..


[19:24] tangakidd: The only person who loved me was my mother.


[19:24] tangakidd: I had no friends, nobody but my mom.


[19:24] tangakidd: We would always be moving places.. Leaving memories behind.


[19:25] tangakidd: My mom would always lose her job and didn't know what to do..


[19:25] tangakidd: I was ten years old, attending a school with one of the most corrupt student bodies I've ever seen.


[19:25] tangakidd: Young kids with guns, selling weed at such a young age..


[19:25] tangakidd: And me, no friends.


[19:26] tangakidd: I was still.. Always happy.


[19:26] tangakidd: I would just cherish every breath I take, every move I make.


[19:26] tangakidd: All the dreams I have.. All the stories I write.


[19:26] tangakidd: Until one day, my mother was arrested.


[19:27] tangakidd: Our house had been a meth den for 7 years.


[19:27] tangakidd: It's how we managed to stay alive and have a home.


[19:27] tangakidd: I had two sisters at the time..


[19:27] tangakidd: They were all I had as well.


[19:27] tangakidd: They were far too young to understand.


[19:28] tangakidd: I lived in a foster home after that..


[19:28] tangakidd: Long after, I lived with my Dad.


[19:28] tangakidd: Went to a couple schools.. Getting in fights, on the brink of getting stabbed. What would you expect going to school in the mission district of Frisco ?


[19:29] tangakidd: And minus the insignificant stories I wish to share after these
events.


[19:29] tangakidd: I sit here, still alive.


[19:30] tangakidd: What keeps me so happy.. Is how I'm still alive. How I now have sooo many friends.. How I'm loved and wanted. How successful I can be. How passionate I am with what I do..


[19:30] tangakidd: Just learning to appreciate and accept everything keeps me happy.




[19:30] tangakidd: To know what kind of a horrid past I have..


[19:30] tangakidd: I still question myself that.


[19:31] tangakidd: Why am I so happy ?


[19:31] tangakidd: But deep inside.. I know..


[19:31] tangakidd: It was my own doing that kept me sane. My own strong will.


[19:31] tangakidd: My own inner self that keeps a smile on my face.


[19:32] tangakidd: That keeps me on two feet, standing the strongest.


[19:32] tangakidd: =)


[19:33] tangakidd: Only by accepting the negativity will you optimize the positivity in the situation.


[19:33] tangakidd: Hakuna, Matata.
[19:33] tangakidd: That's honestly.. As brief as I can explain it.
[19:33] junaysMADWACk: Dude, I think your so amazing. I can't even explain. You have a really great heart. Your story touched me in so many ways and made me hekka just bawling with tears.

Indescribable.

Today felt like a gift. A truly pure mix of all that is emotion. Grogginess. Joy, Overwhelmed. Shocked. Surprised. Scared. Worried. Sad. Mad. Nostalgic.. Quite the medley all to fit in one day. Woke up with a weird feeling.. Time seemed to move slower than usual. I could take my time with things. As school started, I was unprepared for lots of things. I was really behind in French.. I have a project due tomorrow and I don't have the board to throw it on.. But then the next period I got 100% on a test I didn't even study for. Well.. 5 mins prior. Made me happy. =) Science was funny.. The teacher had huge perspiration spots. Like, BADD. Worst I've seen. But I felt bad for her because she just looked so stressed.. PE was boring. Repetitive crap Loren has us doing. Lunchtimewasthebest. =) I got to hang with the girlfriend a lot more.. Got some Me+Her time, talkin' about this, talkin' about that. I love the way she is.. How complex she seems, yet how she comes off simple. How confusing she is, yet how subtle and gentle she comes to be. I just keep coming back for more.. No matter how much I trip off her, I still go back.. It's a great feeling. Walked her to her class and we were talking about random stuff. I asked her "What's that ?" on her hand. Then I did the little, "There's the river, there's you, and there's me! And these spaces in between your fingers ? Yeah, that's where mine go." And I held her hand.. Corny , non ? Ahaha, you know me. =) It's weird.. How her hand fits so snug in mine. How I stared into her eyes and adored her beautiful grin.







Blissful.



A great feeling it is.. Indescribable actually. Explains why I'm so Laconic ? Haha. School's over, had to WALK home.. Ahhh, damn. Took two hours. -____-" We kept stopping from how tired we were. We weren't even trying to walk. Somehow, we made it. YAY! Got home.. PROcrastinated some.. Played FFVII.. It's crazy.. The feeling that emits from playing this game.. I used to play it as a small child, and now.. I've gotten so deeper into it. And it's just.. Wow. The events that occur in the story.. Show how much people have so much pent up inside themselves. Forgotten thoughts, pitiful notions. Great ideas. Opinions. Judgemental statements. All cooped up inside them.. Many secrets we keep to ourselves. Many things we say that we don't mean to. Many actions we take that we wish we did not. Regret. I am the firm standing contradiction to such a horrid feeling.. Feeling.. Something that we take for granted. Nefarious beings; as we should dub ourselves. It's just amazing how complicated we are.. All this and all that. What's been done and said, and what hasn't. How we learn to forget. How we roam this earth each and everyday knowing one day that we will perish. Yet that does not stop us.. We continue to roam. We continue to live. We believe.. We breath to believe what keeps us walking. The foundation of our very living thread of life. How something so deep we live as something so simple. How we learn to accept what we go through and stay optimistic. How dedicated we are in pursuit of our goals, to satisfaction. In pursuit of happiness Cherish life.. It's nothing but





Priceless

9/30. One Hell Of A Tuesday

Sorry for the minor hiatus..I just simply haven't set time for bloggin. Just caught up in things.. Ahhh, this day. Harold and Kumar shit, I'M TELLING YOU! I'mma list it so that your mind no matter how detailed or feeble can make the picture..







Chronologically
-Woke up at 7:00
-Robby came at 7:15
-Waited for Jullian
-It was 7:56, no ride from Jullian.
-He didn't ring the doorbell right.
-We didn't know wtf to do.
-Got Dad to call the school ?
-Told us to go to the Attendance office.
-We said w/e and played Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for an hour, HAHAHA!
-THEN, we decided to walk.. Brought the iPod.
-We decided to cut through the woods and take a shortcut.
-We got lost.
-Chased by rednecks.
-Hid behind trees.
-Found paintballs.
-Hopped / crawled over barbed wire fences.
-Got lost again.
-Got tired, so we layed in the trail and just took a nap.
-Woke up about a half hour later and kept walking.
-Ended up in front of the Haunted House..
-Saw a ghost !
-Ran away cas we got scared.
-Went to the Oakbrook bridge to kill some classtime to avoid going to 4th period.
-I wrote stuff on the bridge with white-out. =)
-Our extreme journey, ended in the attendance office. Where they looked at us like. O____O
-KDONE!

ninetwentynine.

A boring day I awoke to.. A very common simple day. I was sore from skating, so I had to stay home.. Grandma told me to. It looked like I had a 6pack on my back. It wasn't a pretty sight.. Not much to say about this day. Other than I had


NO LIFE!

It hurts me, it hurts you, it hurts me, what you do, it's so goood.

Random blog titles. Words from songs I'm listening to atm. Just wakin' up in the morning gotta thank god, idk but last night seemed kinda odd. No barkin' from the dog, no smog. And Momma cooked a breakfast with no hog. Music tastes good to my ears. Woke up this morning tho, LOVE that relaxed feeling. Like, right when you're waking up. You feel so comfortable.. Feeels goood. =) Ahhh.. I'm so damn lazy. Woke up just on the comp for days. Text the girlfriend some. Decided to go skate to peoples houses and see what their up to. Played Kingdom Hearts with Robby like wtf ? Intense, hahaha. Then Matt called us over. Kicked it at his casa, played ea skate. That game is always fun.. ALWAYS. Addicting like whaaat too. Watched his 3rd and Army footage, crackin' up tho. Me and Robby cut. He wanted to go back home, I wanted to skate. Called up Zach, sesh in Greeen Valley Middle. As soon as I get in there pretty much, I try Switch 180 down it. It took me TOO many tries to do it.. Well, I didn't even do it. Haha. I mean.. I clipped the last stair and rolled away. But it's weird throwing switch down stuff. Because the timing is different than going normal. Like, timing height and stuff like that. If I go too fast I land in a crack or slip out from impact. If I go too slow I hit a crack or clip the last stair. Sketchy stair set I'm telling you.. Ahhh, I ate too much shxt. Was getting hot, so I cut. Zach got my lands on footy tho, even tho I slipped and such. He should use it for a promo.. Lol. Well, went home.. And straight up chillashed. (Chill/Crashed) Drank 34329847 gallons of water, ate 9847239 pounds of food. Texted the girlfriend some more. Chillchill. Typed this. kdonebyei'mtiredandsleepdeprived.

On a scale of one to ten ? That was not TOOO badd.

Ahhh, wake up in the morning and hop on the computer to see if anybody hit me up. Right when I get on aim, Matt asks for me to skate with him today. A little Frisco sesh with him, Kevin and Alexis. Showered, headed over. Chilled for a bit then headed to Safeway first, to use the coinstar machine. Stupid Matt and his random Chuck E. Cheese coins that boosted him up a couple dollars somehow.. HAHA. Picked up a deck for Kevin at the mall real quick. Matt got a set of Ventures and 100's. I hooked everything up in the car along the way, gave me something to do. Haha. Took a while ! Cuttin' up all over the place. Dropped some dub gas fade and we were on our way. Car ride was chill, slappin' music. Matt's hella funny.. Yelling at people on the freeway and they look at us hella scared. xD "IS THAT LAKAI TEAM?!" "Ohh, there goes Chocolate team fasho." "REYNOLDS?!" LMFAO. It's gold.. I'm hella laughing just typing this.. And then we slapped tracks loud and yelled out the car. "Go dumb at the sideshow, whaaaat ? What are you smokin' ?" Ladies rolled up and waved to us out of nowhere, haha. Matt was like. BAAABY?! HAHAHA. Arrived in the city. THINKING that we know which way to go, what turns to make, where 3rd is. I gave whatever info I had about it ? Kinda helped I guess, notsomuch tho. We looked for 3rd and Army for like.. And hour, and went in a complete circle about 3 times. "Even tho we're lost, this is still pretty fun." HAHA! And then we asked a gas station ? "Idk where that is, but you could buy a map for 3$." BIG help, right ? And apparently taxi drivers don't know what they're talking about either.. We FINALLY found third. It was under our noses the whole time. -______-" Seshed 3rd and Army a bit. Ledges are choppy as fxck ! Matt was right.. No matter how fast you go, you can't pop off them right. And the manual pads were higher than I thought. Kept getting robbed on nosemanuals.. We saw some guy that was Am on Real that has kf back tails like buttttah. Skilled crowd there tho. Got even more crowded so we bounced on home pretty much. And on the way back. Matt was like YEAAAAAH! And held it for like 2 blocks. LMFAO! It's so fxcking funny I swear.. I couldn't breath.. Ohh god, I'm hella laughing just thinking about it. "Hey guys, since Matt's finally 18 we should go to an adult shop. Oliver, you're staying in the car tho nigga." HAHA, like I'd wanna go in there and see the nasty ass people inside ? ( O)_______(O )


Matt kept pissing off Kevin.. LOL, throwing stuff at him while he's driving."You're gonna wish you didn't turn 18, I'm dead serious." Goood times.. Got back, chilled at Matts a bit. Cut home from Alexis. And then typed this laughing hard.. It was a great day, one that I needed. Skating with some niggas somewhere and just having lots of fun with it. A great day indeed sirrr.



OUT.

Gatorboooots, pimped out gucci suuuit.

Bonjour mon aimes. Ahhh, aujourd hui.. Today was.. Indescribable to say the least.. Everything is good tho ! Slowly climbing on the academic ladder, slowly, lazily. But gettting there. Skating is fun, but I gotta push it more for the Ground zero comp.. First time competing, I wanna have as much fun as possible. And things in general are goood. But I just feel like a nuisance at times.. As if I do none good. Like I don't do enough despite the thanks and signs of appreciation delivered unto me. I feel as if I hold people back from what they want to achieve. That I'm one of the agitating obstacles that are in their way to their goals. I'm fed up with the feeling that I'm no good to anyone. Although the feeling isn't so strong.. It's quite bothersome. I feel that all I do is bother the girlfriend now. I know it's early to trip, but I don't care. I'm gonna say what I wanna say. I'm starting to realize how busy she is. Socially, family, academically occupied. Minus myself. What I'm saying is I just feel like I don't matter atm. Like, I'm whatever. You know ? Again, this feeling is in the least form of abundance and doesn't interfere with my natural joy. But that doesn't mean it's not gonna bother you ? I feel that all I do for my family is just be a nuisance. And that's the only thing they see me as.. A no good, disrespectful nuisance. I'm tired of this repetitive cycle of emotions. I want change ! I wish for a dramatic self-change to better myself and those around me. I'm sick of the fact that I don't bring as much happiness to the world as I wish to do. Bored of just wishing and dreaming this change will come soon.


Done.


Bye.



Au revoir.


Ma'alam.


So long !


You're gonna get it. If you truly know me, you should know I keep all of my promises and I say what I mean. Things I say shouldn't be taken as a simple joke. Nonetheless, if I make it evident that I'm inferring to content in a humorous manner. I'll make it obvious when I'm just messing around or joking. There's many words floating in my ocean of a mind right now.. Words that I can only wish to say. Words that I'm so far from ever having the right to speak. To be able to say.. "I accomplished something major" or "I made everybody happy today". Goodbye to this ignorant contemplation of lazily goal-chasing. I've gotta push that envelope.. I've gotta do better. Life's to short for regret. I can't stop now. This is it, settling the score with this indefinite internal conflict that never ever seems to end. A promise is what I propose. To do better and try my best at all. I WILL succeed. I'm not gonna bite the dust this time.. It's time to hit the gong harder. Kill procrastination. To get out there more and show people up. To prove I'm not what you think I am. That I'm more than what I seem.. I've got nothing to prove to you. Not her, not him. Not anybody. I'm doing this for myself. To prove to myself that I can say those words that I wish I could say. To feel that satisfactory goodness that I made people happy. To be looked at different because of what I have accomplished within myself. Taste the glory. Fight the pain. It's now, as I finish this gripe. A matter of time, if you will. Before I shower in accomplishment. These emotions have yet to climax. My plate is yet to be filled. My priorities are yet to be straightened out. Getting my act together and making a difference. It's what I'm gonna do.




Nuff' said. Let's do this..

Gooood day sir.

Ahhh, I've been wanting to make one of these. It seems that I need a place to just.. TYPE. You know what I'm saying ? Sudden impulses of abusive expression. Quite the natural trait of the adolescent society. So I'm going to start off my first entry by saying things about myself.. *Ahem.
-Oliver-Jay Ortega Espina
-15 Years old
-Filipino, and a bit Japanese as well.
-Loves sushi.
-Has a burning passion for skating the board.
-Is an Official Distinguished member of the International Society of Poetry.
-Dislikes math.
-Has a thing for green.
-Has too much time on his hands.
-Has the most beautiful girlfriend. ;)
-Pokemon is the shit.
-Rap is whack.
-Hip-Hop all day.
-Likes any kind of music really tho.
-Favorite song is "Imaginary Folklore" By Nujabes
-Has a fairly large family.
-4 sisters, oldest, and only guy.
-I detest that.
-Wishes he had Kool-Aid right now.
-Has better friends than you do.
-Has about 9 bestfriends.
-Wants to go to Japan.
-Lets go skate.
-Hmmm.. I'm running out of things to list.. Even tho I KNOW there's a lot more I wanna list. Haha!
-PANTS!
-Hmmm.. Yeah, blurting out randomness is gold.
-Music feeds my soul.
-Skateboarding keeps me sane.
-Has had a dark past..
-Most people do not know.
-Wishes Pokemon was real.
-Likes to help people with their problems.
-Especially helping females with their boy problems for some reason..
-Idk, just seeems funny how naive the females are about us.
-Yeah, it's hot.
-The color orange makes me thirsty.. Reallly thirsty.
-Today is my bestfriend Melllanies birthday ! :D
-I hope she's happy.
-I wish I had a million wishes.
-But I don't at the same time.
-Lives life regretless.
-Doesn't believe you're reading this whole thing.
-Wonders what you're thinking..
-Yeah, I think I'mma leave it at that.
-Get to know me in person !