TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT,

Rubbishrubbish. Thanksgiving day, and you're definitely the one I'm most thankful for.. You're the best I've ever had.


You say you love me. You say you care. You say you'll always be there. You say I'm the best you've ever had. You say that you'll never leave. You say that you always want to me with me. You say I make you really happy. You say that I actually matter in your life compared to other people.

You say I'm your universe.


Well, if all the above is true, can you not strattle the fence? I know you're a girl, and girls live strattling on a fence. Hot and cold, black and white. But I don't want you to say all that for no reason, and have me not be treated in THAT way. It's like, you say all that.. Especially, when you said I'm your universe. If I'm really your universe, that must mean that I'm your whole big picture right? That our relationship is basically, the biggest part of you and I in our lives together. With that being said, why do you contradict yourself and exclude me from your life, when you said about 2 minutes ago or something that I pretty much was your life? How're we supposed to be happy in a relationship, when you keep more secrets than I can even count? Look, I know you're trying. (At least I hope.) And you've noted me that you are understanding and that you promised to work harder for us, but it seems that out of nowhere, you worked pretty hard to face the opposite direction.

Why keep secrets from me?

Why even tell me anything, if you're just gonna keep secrets from me?

I mean, seriously. You don't even tell me WHY you keep these secrets. It's not that I don't trust you, but how the fuck am I supposed to feel when I'm trying to smile in bliss shrouded in your love, when you're dragging a treasure chest of mystery, only opened by your tight lips.

Do something about it. Love me? Care then.



"Life isn't complicated, people make it that way."

Wonder this time where she's gone; wonder if she's gone to stay,

Ahh.. Well, I guess you could say things have mellowed out since the past bullshit. Yay, tomorrow is Wednesday.. I'm skateparking it. Fuck yeahh. Well like, I guess optimism is a must right now.. But nonetheless, I guess I'll never stop being pissed off at this nice guy figure. I mean, I'm trying to chilll off it, and follow MY personal virtue of never holding a grudge, and never feeling strongly negative to one person constantly, but that guy is some work I tell you.. He never seems to fucking get it. He's disrespected me too damn much. I would never go to the movies with his girlfriend alone. I would never make it seem like I'm dating his girlfriend. I would never put his girlfriend number one on myspace. I would never kiss his girlfriend. But whoop de fucking do, he goes and does all that shit to me. That's some serious respect right there is it not? I mean fuck. Get the god damn picture you faggot. Stop with your shit. I mean, ALL I'm trying to do is be happy with my girlfriend. I know you're her bestfriend and all, and I completely understand that. But understand that the shit you're doing isn't right. Fucking get it through your stupid head. All that shit? I'd never do to your girlfriend. I've never done shit to you. You're the reason why I feel shitty when bullshit comes along. It's always you pretty damn much. I really hope you're reading this, because Idgaf. As non-confrontational as I am, you best pray that I have morals and values, and that I was raised better than to do the shit that you fucking do. It's kinda like we share a Girlfriend. But it'll never be like that. She'll never be yours, sorry bitch. You can't even get a girlfriend. And the one that you did get, you dumped for no reason. You're pitiful. Get over yourself.

'Nice Guys' don't go with someone elses girlfriend to the movies alone.
'Nice Guys' don't make it seem they're dating someones girlfriend.
'Nice Guys' don't kiss someones girlfriend. No matter where it was.

Straight up, nice guys don't do half the shit you do. There's a HUGE difference between real guys, nice guys, and guys like you. Fucking get this shit. Dig it in your head. And check yourself.

If you want me; it's cool; don't take me, for a foool,

So I'm sitting here.. In 3rd Period tutorial. Eating a poptart that Erica gave me.. Feeling shitty once again. Idk what I'm supposed to do.. I feel lost in my own morality. What is one supposed to do in a relationship when tensions rise? I've always felt I've been doing the right thing by doing my best to talk it out and clear the air.. But then I just get shut down. And I'm talking to a lifeless rock. A rock that walks away from me.. What kind of shit is that tho. I mean.. Here I am, pooring my heart out on someone I love.. Trying my best to keep them with me, and she either just hangs up on me or walks away.. And later there's no use trying to talk about it. I just have to keep a questionable smile and life my life. Maybe, this is what I deserve. This might be the best of a relationship that I'll ever atttain. This is my life, set forever. This, is love. Is it? I mean, I know for sure I love her.. But I really don't want it to be like this. This just isn't fair.. I mean, life isn't fair. I know that.. But still. I feel like I'm doing all the work. (Because I am) I'm the one giving everything and trying my very hardest and best.. Only to receive nothing in return. Just silence, and then moving on past the bullshit.. Maybe this really is something I need to get over. Maybe this is both of our faults. On her half, she needs to learn how to listen and actually open up, and try a lot harder.. And on my fault because I'm still lingering on our bullshit, despite the fact that I don't want to. I mean, I know it's all like 'fuck the bullshit, lets be happy' but that ideology doesn't seem to matter if bullshit does happen, and she doesn't do anything about it. Where's the love there? What's a guy supposed to do stuck in such a rut? Due to this episode, I'm confused upon her persona now.. If she really loved me, she would actually care to talk about it and clear it up? Or does true love really call for the whole forgive and forget thing.. Even tho she's nothing to forgive, actions that I've performed. In a way, I'm the one who should really just be walking away, or hanging up, or not trying. Because she's the one not getting anywhere. It's got to get better.. Because alllll this is just going to shit. And I have no idea why. I really just wish she tried as hard as I do.. But that doesn't mean I wanna change her. Because I don't wanna change her at all.. I mean, in that sense, that is. I just wish she could learn and progress in this matter. Is it not the mature thing to do? Am I being irresponsible, and immature for remaining calm and respectful, despite alllllll the shit that was thrown at me? Have I caused alllllll of this shit to happen? I still question myself if I'm living a lie.. More so now. Because the only thing I can see is my heart bleeding, and her walking away. True love right?




Well, fuck it. I guess it's , if she's down, then I'm down. But I'm gonna be there regardless because I love her. Despite that she might not care one little bit, and I might have been played like a xylophone this whole time, I still love her. I'm in this relationship for us. Not me, not her. Us. And how I'd sooooo love for her to read this, because that seems like the best way for her to realize this. I'm just being the independent me, while still being there 100% for her. But if it keeps going like this, what's the use of being in this relationship? I know I can only try harder. But I'm trying pretty damn hard on this already and that's not showing any progress at all.. Or maybe it is? Ah.. Blogging in class is making me feel better tho. Not gonnna lie. And Jade is behind me, and I could've really just talked to her about this but she's still working on the Cape test. Hahaha, idk. Maybe she'll read this too. Whatever. Life is gay sometimes.



I just want things to be better, and only you can help me.. Because Erica, there's no 'i' in couple. Can you just be WITH me, and not AWAY from me?

I promise that I won't meddle with her heart; meddle with her mind ,

It's just really not fair.. I mean, I do my best. My very best. It's just not good enough.. It's either that, or your not trying. How about, YOU decide. I'm laying it alll down right here. I do love you.. And to keep you by my side, there's nothing that I won't try.. But still, it's not fair how I'm pretty much putting up with all the negativity, but then in the end, you're the one who hangs up on me.. And then ignores me. Something I definitely didn't deserve, after being sealed with a promise. I just pray things will get better.. I feel as if they will. I'm so blank right now. But I feel happy, in a way.. Because I do know what we have, is beautiful.. Despite the shit you give me, despite all that bullshit. We get through it, this doesn't have to be different. Only you can help this. Can we make this a couple, and not a single?

I'm up up on the mooon,

I just need you.. I need you more than ever. Let me hold you, get closer.. Your emotions draw a gate, distancing us. I can't feel your touch. Your warmth, is an obsolete absence.


Really.. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore.. I just want to be happy with you. Fuck the bullshit, don't linger on it. And if you are going to linger on it, can you please spill it to me? I'm fixed to a question mark, puzzled, dumbfounded. Tell me.. Tell me.. Why can't we seem to be happy anymore? I miss it so much.. I miss having you in my arms, feeling like a king, living the good life knowing I have you.. But I feel like I'm losing you still. Fuck everything, I need you.. And if you actually take your time to read this, I hope you know I miss you.. And I'm in love with you Erica Riane Medina..

The consequences that I've rendered, I've stretched myself beyond my means,

This is fucking bullshit.. To vaguely express myself. I hate school, and everything about it. I'm sick of getting shit just trying to make it there. Skateboarding is fulll of bullshit people who need to just go fuck themselves. I hate all of the fucking shit there is in my life. I keep a high chin, looking forward to the ONE thing that I know makes me happy no matter what.. And I get shut down tonight. I made it pretty obvious I wanted to talk to her about how I've been feeling.. But then I just get this negative attitute, and I get hung up on. That's just a big fuck you right in the face right? Ahh.. I have nobody and nothing in my life at this moment that can rid me of this shittyness. I just feel so dissappointed.


"I thought you didn't wanna be with me anymore?.."

Ironic as fuck right? You wake 'scared' from a dream about something that'll never ever happen, and then today I feel shitty. You wouldn't get it. Nobody fucking would.

I don't give a flying fuck if anybody reads this and they don't know what's going on. You can go fuck yourself. I'm too pissed off about everything right now.. I just need a break from life. Seriously. I've put more on the line than I can handle. Fuck all of this shit, no more of this negative bullshittings. I'm just trying to be happy, but that shit can't ever fucking go my way.

Stolen, but credited (Not from a song)

From Junelle Narag

10 things I wish I could say to 10 different people right now.
1 - I love you Honey, forever and ever. :)
2 - YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH GO FALL OFF A CLIFF!
3 - Topshelf?
4 - No, I don't have 10. -____-"
5 - I love you guys.
6 - I can't believe it still.. Some ALALALA guy?!
7 - Yeahh, you're annoying.
8 - Can you not be a pushover and take your title as man of the house goddammit?
9 - GOING, GOING, OUTTTA THEREEE!
10 - I miss living with you.. I miss you reading me stories, teaching me lots of things, helping me learn in school, the food you used to cook for me, appreciating how you always went out of your way to make me happy, always ALWAYS being there for me, I miss being your little Olliebear. :'(

9 things people may not know about me
1 - I'm taken, forever. If you didn't know, now you do. :)
2 - I put the (o) in Bro-D
3 - I need a new place to stay.
4 - First impressions LEAVE A MARK on me.
5 - I'll show respect when you deserve it.
6 - I have homicidal thoughts when tensions raise.
7 - Horror movies are comedy to me.
8 - I'm a distinguished member of the international society of poetry.
9 - I pray every single night.

8 ways to win my heart
1 - Erica Riane Medina,
2 - Erica Riane Medina,
3 - Erica Riane Medina,
4 - Erica Riane Medina,
5 - Erica Riane Medina,
6 - Erica Riane Medina,
7 - Erica Riane Medina,
8 - Erica Riane Medina!


7 things that cross my mind a lot
1 - Erica Riane Medina,.
2 - Being a kid again.
3 - Skateboarding.
4 - Food!
5 - Humorousness.
6 - Future trippin'.
7 - Am I dreaming?


6 things I do before you fall asleep (not in order)
1 - Phone with Honey.
2 - Listen to music.
3 - Let my mind race, laying there. Sometimes crash tho.
4 - Eat something.
5 - Set alarm.
6 - Complain about noise.

5 things I notice in the opposite sex
1 - They shouldn't be messed with.
2 - A select few deserve respect.
3 - Erica Riane Medina is beautiful, indeed. ;)
4 - Yeahh, her^ legs are my thing.
5 - There's not good looking skateboarding females.

4 things I wish I never did
1 - Get involved with distorted people.
2 - Be cocky. (Past)
3 - STRESS
4 - And interact with the Step-Monster in any way.

3 songs to describe my life
1 - Soundtrack 2 my life - Kid Cudi
2 - Someday - The Strokes
3 - Float On - Modest Mouse

2 things I want to do before I die
1 - Feel atonement.
2 - Learn all of lifes teachings.


1 Confession…
1 - I've worn panties before. Lmao.

Eviscerate your fragile frame,

It's seemingly unevitable. I can't avoid it..

All I want is to be there, and to show my love to you. But you really just disregard it and shove me off, building up your feelings. I know you have something to say.. I can feel it. I know there's something really wrong.. It's evident. But you choose to ignore my feelings that I'll always be there because I love you, and that I'm only trying to make you feel better by talking it out with you so that it'll get off your mind. So then I ask if you're even listening to me, because you're sooo tight lipped, and then I ask if you even want to talk to me? Then you give me, "it doesn't matter"


My efforts pretty much don't matter then. What did I do? The right thing. What do I get in return? Aghh.. I just hope this all clears up.

When you decided to knock on my door, did you remember what happened before?

Skateboarding. It can be a hobby, a passion, a lifestyle, a joke, a tv show, a movie, it's just versatile like any sport in a sense. There's a sense of repetitiveness, similar to any sport as well. But as a skateboarder, I tend to sometimes forget how much more versatile skateboarding can literally be felt.

It's something very close to me actually. I think more so for the friendships it's brought upon.. I've had some of the best times of my life out there with peers on a skateboard. It's really just a beautiful thing.. But lately, that's been evidently absent from my life. It's been really messing with me, honestly.. And because of this, I've been thinking negatively about skateboarding. Thinking about how common it is now. How many people out there can relate to me. How many people expect me to bust some pro shit every single time just from watching me skate only once. It's been getting hectic. I guess, I'm just looking at that wrong.. I mean, if anything. I skateboard for myself, and only myself. It gives me such a great feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. I need more skating in my life, as much as I had before.. I miss when I didn't see the whole picture of skateboarding, and the skateboarding world. I really just wish I can just only see my skateboard when I skate.. Know what I'm saying? It's like, a pressure to skateboard lately. I bet you half the kids out there do not skate for themselves anymore. I mean, I got out there because I thought it looked fun, and I've always wanted to take it up since I was young playing Tony Hawk games. (Lmao)


But it doesn't really matter in the end, the negativity. Because I'm always gonna be skateboarding. It's something, for me.. And only for me. And if I keep that thought ahead of me, I might actually feel much more accomplished and satisfied about it.




I'll addd more later. I just felt like compiling these skate videos that inspire me most..

































I'll addd more later. I just felt like compiling these skate videos that inspire me most..

Those who fight further,

Awhh man. Here we are again.. This feeling. It aches of agony. I'm definitely in a lacking state.. A state of irony and resentment. Wallowing in misery ascribed from an absent obelisk no longer distinctively visible and meaningful; I seem to feel. What was once a great joy noticeable by my peers and those around me, is now an empty shadow casted from the times of yesterday. I don't know why.. I'd really like to know why. I just wanna be genuinely happy.. I want to carefree, like I should feel right now..


I feel as if something big is to come in the not too distant future.. Something that's very close to me.. Or possibly someone. I feel as if my nemesis of a negative stature is beckoning to ascend once more. It's dreadfully abominable, this feeling. This gesture, foreshadows an obscure abhor which opposes my whole purpose of living..


Go away.

When I'm, when I'm,

The best has seem to have come. I don't want it to leave.. And it's showing signs. Please stay.. This is where the best ever belongs. With me! And my life now.. By best I mean the best times, and the peak of my joy. But Idk.. People around me seem to ruin that for me I guess. Whatever, fuck all you guys I guess. It's whatever really.. I'm just trying to do me, and make me. Being happy with my Honey and livin' it up with friends is all I care about right now. I definitely need more skating tho.. Ahh. I'm going to try my best.. Because right now all I'm begging for is better times. Meaning, more to come other than what's going on..

"I'm not trying to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately."

And I say the same thing ever single time,

You really are simply the best. I fucking love you. I'm. You've made me so happy today you don't even know. I know I'm going to have you forever Honey.. You're really the best thing that's ever happened to me..


I can't believe how I feel right now, honestly.. I've never felt so happy in my life.. I've never understood how it felt when I would read in books and see in movies how happy someone could be that they burst crying until now..


Forever baby. Really..

Just me and you on silver lining dreams,

I feel like shit. I don't know how much of this I can take.. I wanna just tear our parts of me that hold me back from being happy.. It seems like there's no way around them..

Inadequacy in my intelligence and my abilities give an evidently dull shine.

And a question mark continues to stalk this thing called 'truth' and 'unconditional love'



It's just disgusting.. I wanna feel good about things, and about myself. I really just want to feel goood right now.



Maybe I'm just exhausted from today. Maybe I'm sleep deprived. Idk.. Who knows. But all I know is I feel shitty right now because I think I'm 100% inadequate and that the source of my happiness feeds from a lie..

Intergalactic Sabotage,

Things have been pretty good I can solidly say. With school along alright, I just need to keep focused and not fall into my procrastinative slump which I'm slowly dipping into, but not too deep to crawl out and be productive.


I guess everyone is right. I think I just need to schedule things. . To reorganize my priorities. I guess I'll try that out and see what happens. I've been skating pretty okay lately, not my best I'd say. Or maybe I'm just never happy with myself? Speaking of happy with myself, I've been feeling utterly disgusting when I have free time, and nobody to skate with. I'm actually trying to work out again. I have a daily play set up for every night before bed now.. This should go by quickly because I'm not that far off? Well, compared to how I used to be. Idk, I guess working out and gaining positive results is just something I like progressing in to make me feel accomplished? Like skating. . Yeahh. Well, the lead singer from Kiss once said that men only want 3 things: Love, sex, success. I guess he's right thinking about it. Idk. . I mean. I just wanna be successful. Not to bite of Drake or whatever. Haha. Ahh, I haven't blogged like this in a while. Well, I'mma get back to doing laundry, then hit the sheets.


ERICA HUNG UP ON ME! :(

She probably rolled over the red button cas she's asleep with her clumsy self. Haha.


I love you Honey. :)

I'm leaving on a jet plane, and I don't know when I'll be back again,

Well, like I'm in Florida right now. And things are progressing for me, being able to handle being away from Erica and Skating and a whole bunch of stuff I miss already too.


But I know for a fact that I will always try in this relationship Honey. Despite how much it might stress me out, and how far I go to be vulnerable for you.


I just hope that you never take me for granted and destroy our promises and seek another..

Word is bond I go on and on for you its tragic I got magic like wands,

I type this blog with much anticipation of the next chapter in my life unfolds.


I'm leaving for DisneyWorld tomorrow morning around 8, but waking up at 3. . And I'm not gonna see Erica, or go skating for 9 whole days. . It's gonna be hard, but I'll make it up to my Honey. :)



8 months, forever to go btw!


And see my myspace for info on this whole situation. . I'm outtty.

Cas their ain't so such thing as half-way crooks,

Alright so yo,


(Little Donovan moment, I had to. . Haha)


ButteryAssMondays ---> www.theberrics.com


So basically, things have been so great. . Progressing in many ways. I'm growing a lot of confidence and it's doing me great. . School is nearing, and my Disneyworld vacation is nearing in even closer. You'll find me in SFO for 6 hours this Thursday and in the plane for another 6 hours! Haha, I'll probably be on that Myspace / aim there tho. On my laptop at the airport, haha.



Everything is doing great for the most part, lets keep this going!

Driving down the autobahn epsilon stupid niggas fightin' in the octagon,

I don't even know anymore.

I love, I care, I try, I put effort into a lot of things. .



But I'm never good enough. And I never will be. Go ahead and disrespect me all you want for anything, it wouldn't matter to me. I don't know what I deserve. I don't know how it feels to be adequate. I don't know how it feels to be 100% happy with my own life.

Better off without me, much. That goes to everyone. .

So a day when you've lost yourself completely,

Try, try, try. All I can ever do is try. . I try hard. . I try really hard, so hard it takes a massive toll on me. .


I feel like I fail at everything. . No. . Not necessarily fail, because in all realness my adequateness does not fall that deep at the bottom. .

It's as if at my very best, with all effort mustered, I will always be second best. .

I guess that's just simply a sign of progression. . Because everything and everyone has opportunities for any act of progression. .


I feel happy with love. . I really do. . But I try so hard, and give it my best, and it still always seems to be that I don't make her feel that way. . This happiness that I can feel, I don't know if she's ever felt it or not. . That's just, simply how I feel. . That I can try and try, and in the end you still seem to be unhappy with it all. . When things seem to be going great from my eyes, you seem to see the opposite. . And that just hurts me, really it does. . And as I've promised before, I know deep down I'll always find a way to work things out, and I'll always want to do that because I love you. .


But I guess it's just that simply put, love hurts.




With progression, comes perfection. Patience, determination, tolerance, honesty, and love is what we need. . We can do this.

In my bed, fell asleep, had a dream, about the washing machine,

I can only learn from my mistakes. . I can only listen with my ears. . And I can only love with my heart.


She proves to me that I make mistakes, and I'm truly human. . She makes me feel as if I have worth, but helps me see that I'm not perfect too. . I love her so much. . And I never want to lose her.


Only I can make change for the better, and by learning from this is just that. .

So keep talking cas I love to hear your voice again,

This is so aggravating. I'm stressing suuuper ahead! I mean, school starts August 17th. . I gotta do maaajor work come August 11th, the day of Orientation. I gotta get alll the first weeks work done prior or during my vacation. -___-''


This sucks baddly. I don't like this one bit. I mean, sure, I'm going to Disneyworld for one week! That's dope right?!

Yeahh, but I'm not going to enjoy it. I allllready know.


I can see it now, my pitiful self. Doing work in the car along the way. Texting Erica every other period. Calling her at night, and when I'm supposed to be having fun.


The thing is, if I'd only remembered, she'd be going with me. :(





Ohwell, I'll make it through this little predicament. .

Sunrise to sunfall gitcho' back up off the wall,

There are several common factors placed amongst society's daily lives which can potentially stir up negative emotions.

But as a matter of fact, emotion is a choice. You can let them control you, or you can control them.



By ignoring the negative, you can focus more on the positive. Although it is quite hard to do so, it's something we all MUST do. This world needs more positive than negative I'd say. As we may recall, life requires a balance. Balance of EVERYTHING. Only the human mind can cancel out such repetitive balance.




Forget negativity, and love all you've been blessed with, and you'll truly find happiness.

For the love,

Stress cockblock = Skating.






Nothing cures it better.

You're still regretting the love you left. Left behind,

"okay just as long as you dont fricken hate me or some shit.
aiiiight i wont be trippn balls much. or not that i was hah
thanks for the heads up tho"






Hate you? I hate nothing and nobody. Haha. . You won't be trippin' balls as much? Fear me fucker. Don't even think of fucking me over after me forcing myself to be vulnerable for my loves happiness because tearing people from each other isn't my thing.


Heed my words dude. You can dream she's yours, you can hope she's yours, you can wish she's yours.


But accept the fact she'll never be yours. She's mine and always will be. Don't even try to make her yours. I know how janky guys can be, and how misleading they really are. How some looove to lead themselves into the whole 'friend zone' and expect to be loved in a way they originally intended to be.


So be real. Speak the fuck up bitch. How do you feel about her? Let me know. I need to know.


So trip hard. Trip as hard as you possibly can. Because if you dare try to put her in that spot, you're dead.

I hope one day you'll see that nobody has it easy,

My emotions resonate with every beat of my heart. Expression of my inner self.


I really want you. . And I don't know if you could see that. I need you. . I love you. How do you feel now after all this? I just don't know. . I'm trying my best right now to keep myself allll together and be as selfless as I can at this time because I REALLY DO care about you being happy. . I'm trying my best, I'm doing my best, so just BEAR WITH ME please. .


Why a break? From me? From us? From ALL we've been through? From our efforts to work out this stupid little predicament. .













Erica, I love you. And I've told you before that I'll always keep trying and I'll never leave you. . I'm giving allll the faith I can in your promises and I only ask that you bear with me on this. . Because I know we can make it through this shit. This is NOTHING. Come on, please. . I beg you. . This is what I really need and want, is for us to stay together. . And like I said, if that means me becoming lenient, but vulnerable, then so be it. . Idgaf what I have to do. There's nothing I won't try to keep you by my side. . And you for you walk out of my life would kill me. .



Please don't do this. . If you feel the need to, and if it's what you really must do, then I understand. . Just tell me, talk to me, don't leave me hanging like this. . It's killing. .

So stand up straight and firmly say,

To you both fat sad sacks of shits. . I do not like you at all. You disgust me. In my eyes, you are merely rebound attendants waiting to do your fucking job. I am your nightmare. You are my nuisance. This is my let-out, don't get your shit twisted. I hate how you both STAY on like that. You've done nothing to me, sure. But I don't give a shit. I wish death upon nobody, but I'd love to see you burn. .


Fear me bitch.

The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley we can live like Jack and Sally if we want,

Dear you,


Yes you, fuck you all. Idgaf who the fuck you are. Go fucking die. I'm tired of your shit. I despise how you're on her shit twenty four fucking seven. And other fuckers just getting on her shit like nothing. Pissing me off left and right, homicidal images appear. Agitation becomes imminent and my rage is unlocked as if it was a knife through butter.

Ohhh how you piss me off you fuckers. I just wanna kill you all so baddly, in every which way possible.


Maybe it's me, I feel like a fucking trainwreck. Maybe it's my past shit, maybe it's just them that've scarred me this way. Maybe it's my own decision, maybe it's my choice.


Nonetheless, I choose to blame you for being that obstacle there to aggravate me and stress me out. No more than I blame the blackhearted bitch who fucked me over in the past. I'm paranoid as fuck I guess. I really don't know.


But listen here,

I really hope you fucking read this you faggot. All of you fuckers who pissed me off. You're fucking lucky I wouldn't wanna piss her off and just talk to you myself with no questions asked. I fucking despise you and allll the shit you cause me. Idc what you think about me, and how I am. But I'm fucking set trippin' off how YOU are bitch. Go rot in hell bastards.

I can't explain but that's too bad I can't refrain that makes you mad,

ALL my blog titles are from a song. Get your shit twisted and be ignorant if you want.


My friends, I love them. They're the fucking best, I know I can turn to you. You guys know DAMN well who you are. You've shown me that you're there, and I appreciate it so much.

And last but NEVER the least, I love you Honey! I love how you're ALWAYS there for me. How when I need to talk to you, baaam. You're there. I love how you listen, understand, give advice, give consolation to me. I truly love you, and I can't see life without you. .


Lately, my Summer has been CRACKIN'. Skating's been good, kickin' it with friends has been going down a lot, HONEYTIME is the best as always ;).


But I left one thing out, life at home.

It was going incredibly great. I loved it, how chill everything was. Until one factor invoked upon the house, causing most to suffer except myself. I took it lightly, I mean I'm NEVER one to say ANYTHING right?! Being that I'm in NO position to or whatever that bullshit is. But I took it lightly, because it doesn't affect me. Sure, I could make a comment about it. But who can't?! I kept my mouth closed because I'm not allowed to open it. But if I can't talk to YOU PEOPLE about this shit, who the fuck can I talk to?! Here I am, just venting to my girlfriend on the phone. Only to have family eavesdrop on my conversation and turn it against me. WHO DOES THAT SHIT?! I DON'T EVEN eavesdrop on your shit! Why the fuck would you do that to ME?! I've given you privacy dude. And you don't give me mine, wow. Does that mean you've BEEN doing that?! Or will CONTINUE to do it?! Hear me out, and be intelligent by respecting my opinion. Unless you can't respect that either? Look, if I can't say SHIT about the situation to anybody because I will never win because of my position or whatnot, then AT LEAST let me vent MY SHIT to my girlfriend on the phone in private! I mean, who the fuck are you to judge that. You know I'm right too, just accept it. I respected you ALL by holding back comments so I don't sound like an incredible asshole. Until ONE BIG FUCKING PROBLEM that MIGHT occur. I mean, just because you guys are all having problems. I don't want to have to suffer for that shit. I mean, whatever dude. You people can get your shit together, I'm just trying to live life. And if you're going to make me suffer, for me NOT doing SHIT to you?! Then what kind of shit is that?! I mean, helping. Yeah, you're supposed to help family and stuff. THAT ISN'T HELPING SHIT! It'll only piss me off, because I do NOT like that guy. I NEVER have. I wouldn't have been venting if this HUGE SHITHOLE didn't get mentioned, or even planned. This whole thing wouldn't have happened if it was for that.


Bottom line, I'm chilll with everything. You fucking know that. I understand everyone else here had to suffer to make you people happy, and that's respectable. But I CANNOT do that. I'm so fucking sorry that I cannot bend my bones and snap my neck for your cause. As much as you'll hate me for not doing that, I'm sorry that I can't. ONL Y because of this one certain person. Anybody else that would have to kill my privacy and share quarters with me, I wouldn't care. But I will NOT comply with those conditions!


Face the music.

Baby you been rolling solo time to get down with the team,

No matter how much I try to stay away from stress, it stays biting my ass. Get off me stress! I don't want your shit anymore.




Just give me a skateboard, I'm done.

Because of you ,

"Vaguely a lesson alone it must be
Notions of dread, sorrow of misery
Emotion poured unto, given and taken
Only left breathless, spine has shaken
Dedicated and faithful, praised and forsaken
A voice in my head, questions my heart mistaken
Admiration in your eyes, glisten of a gleam
Left weak, heart toppling, whispers of a dream
Hoping patient arms, two to tango, beautiful dance
Atoning serene happiness, mesmerized in a trance
A descending heart, impossible to foreshadow
Thy love hoping pure, amongst lurking hallow
Peering grin ahead, contrasting the frowned past
Only to give and take, is how such a love will last."



A poem by Oliver-Jay Ortega Espina.

No matter what you say no matter what you do,

And then, and then.









Yeah, I love my girlfriend. =)

Skating today was pretty dope. I actually have blunt fakies and blunt back 180s on lipped bank now. Which is HARDER than that quarter pipe business. And it looks a lot cooler too. I can take that trick to new heights now, and sesh with it at the park How funnn. School is coming to a close soon, with only 4 weeks left or so. Hot daaamn, and almost 5 months with my honeybun? Time flies, indeed. Family has been pretty chilll lately, and Jesus help Ricky Hatton. I'm late on this for blogggage, but that nigga got fucked in the game terribly. Freddy Roach ain't bluffin' one bit on his little bid, UNDER 3 rounds. 10 seconds in the bottom of the 2nd round. YouzasuckaHatton. Haha! OH YEAH , if you're reading this. Say "Youza Sucka" to everyone. Me and Johnny want to see if it'll catch on fast to people, and if a rapper makes a song about it and bites our shit or something. Lmao.






Just so you know. .




You're the fuckin' best, and I mean that honey. We communicate so well, even at times of misunderstanding. We try our best to put up with each other, and in the end we're happy. I'm so happy to have you, and I don't want to lose you. Factual, I'm in love with you. Although we have our downs, and always will have those. In the end, we'll make it through shit for sure. Cas that happiness with you in the end, is all worth it. It's all I'll ever need. I love you Erica Riane Medina! :)

Shananananana ,

Oh what chu' gonna do ? You wanna get down ?

Today was an incredible day I must say. I woke up like. . Straight up, like "OMG, 6:49. . Wait, it's Saturday. . I can sleep, lmfao. . WAIT NO I CAN'T IT'S FRIDAY!"

So yeah, I woke up and did the Morning routine. Second period, shitted on the offensive team with my ninja-like sackage. HAHA! "HOW THE FUCK IS OLIVER GETTING IN HERE?!"

Mr. Bennet:SPOTLIGHT ON OLIVER!

It was funny because everyone was like "Godddammit Oliver. Fucking asian people, swear."

I was fun. Then 4th period we chillled in the library for days and lmfao'd at Mrs. Abbot for her dumbness. Then just played Pokemon Platinum in tutorial. Lunch was funny, rhs idol. Then 6th period, we seriously just played "GUESS THAT POKEMON!!! :D"

Suuuper inside joke. I love you bestfriend Mitchie ! Idk what I'm even blogging right now. It's 1:11 AM in the morning, and I have one of those feelings you get when you're really groggy, but something's stopping you from sleeping so you need to do something to pass the time or whatever.


Anyways, school got out. Plans with Honey are off ? Not hanging out at my house / Stephanies. Take the city bus to the malll. Ate McDonalds (Naaasty) Then walked around. Watched Obsessed at 5. That's a reallly good movie btw. And I love Erica Riane Medina. But that movie is worth a watch. Well, I think so. Idk, I guess the whole catfight thing maybe. But you'll seee.

I met Erica's Dad ! He's pretty cool. Then they left, I ran into Daviddd like WTF?! We go on an adventure at 9 o'clock to walk from the mall to his and Brians house in waterman. Hopping fences and climbing janky ass burms. Then went to his house, called baby and ate adobooo. Yummy stuff. BUTTERFLY EFFECT! Yeah, we watched that. Ended up going to Robbys. Sang Karaoke with Robby, Brian, and David. LMFAO! We screamo'd every song. And "David's Home Videos" YouTube videos are coming out soon, so watch out. It'll have you dying. I laughed so hard I coughed to death pretty much. And now, I'm home!


KDONE.

That mans got a bottle and it's a bad one,

Holyfuckingshit. Best way to describe last night. I was too gone. . I had too much to drink. That 151 bullshit. . UGH. I so regret even drinking last night. . My conscience told me not to. But I ignored it and just dowwwwwned. Thinking about it makes me wanna puke. . Speaking of puking, I don't recall doing it at the party. Or passing out. I do know I was seriously cuttin' up tho.



Basically, I wanna keep it brief here. And post this so I can remember this crap.


DO NOT, I repeat. . DO NOT get drunk again. It's baaad.

Wouldn't it be nice ? ,

So here I am again. Type, type, type. Feeling this pounding emotion which drives these words that I wish to input somewhere in order to 'get it out of here' in my train wreck of a mind.


Here it goes once more.


Not too long ago, I felt so great. The other week, it was all fine and dandy. Everything was prosperous. But now, with the death of my Grandfather upon us and the diagnosis of my Grandmother with pancreatic cancer brings stress. And it stresses others around me. And when others feel something strong near me, I'm quick to pick it up and have it rubbed off on me. I feel so. . Drifted. As if I'm drifted from all bonds in which I hold with all those who I've shared one with. It's killing me, and it's so damn painful. I haven't skated in two weeks and this shit happens. Idk. . I just wish I can make it through all this bullshit with school and losing people, and losing communication with people especially with my girfriend. I feel like a wreck really. The best way that can be described. As if I have no control over anything.

I need skating

I need better communication skills

I need to get closer with everyone

I need to get away from stress

I need a vacation



Take me away from now. Because I'm in no fucking mood to handle anything.

Keep, keep on ,

BLOGGGGGAGE ,




Yeah, felt like typing another one. Things have been pretty dope, slowly progressing in everything. Life at home is great ! School is greatly improving, and my girlfriend is the best. =)


I find it hilarious how when my emotions are prospering, others try to bring me down. It's always going to happen, true that. I mean, that's life. A box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. Right ? Is this karmaticly ironic ? I beg to differ ,


Although it seems as if my emotions push the contrary upon my own self, acting as an ambiguous greed only to be lawfully laid upon my own stature of success that I have earned, to be then repeated in a contradicting stature opposing that I once was.


With that alone stated as nor theory, statement, or even opinion. It's simply law. Placed so fair among our daily lives so often we go about ignoring it and with no given effort, comply. There will surely come a time in ones age where they seem to question everything and everyone. Breaths taken, tears shed, grins creased. All can be questioned, indeed. Questioned to a point where that may be all that one can ever do. However though, questions bring forth answers which may relieve uncertainty in ones mind, factual.Too much questions may only hurt one in the end. From what one may discover can possibly mean nothing to one who can care less about such discovery. A thesis of equal balance to foundate my push of word, if you will. I mean, such a mental exertion may even be pointless. Care to question that as well ? Such intelligence is only challenged by the incomplyable. Seen as a misfit of a mind, we all possess at one time. Then comes a time where questionable content and reality collide. All can be questioned, but not all can be answered.



Point being, why waste so much time being confused and questioning when you could live your life freely and comply to what we're dealt with ? We all were put on this earth to play the hand we're dealt. Why work around such purpose in an act to nullify reality itself ? Yet I stand here questioning questions a misfitted mind cannot answer, only because they may not be questions, but truth. Human intelligence have advanced to such a great caliber for it's own good, possibly. Yet to clear the air and provide fair thesis, I am not insulting the misfitted. But only advising.



Basically, ask yourself this sometime. . Why question life and strain yourself with stress, when you could live your life and fill it with as much joy as possible ? If we all learn to comply with the situation put before us, we may have just reached atonement amongst all conflict.


Truth, spoken.

Watching the tide roll away ,

Had a sesh with the fantastic 5 today minus one. Ahaha. Haven't had one of those in a while. . Actually, due to drama and bullshit. . Haven't seshed or skated at ALL within 4 days. That felt like hell to me with the rain and such. But it never rains forever. . Anyways, seshed Matt and Robs rail. Had a lot of fun. I won both games of skate against the three of them. Literally, yanking tricks out of my ass. Fakie varial heels. Inheels. Ahaha, barely hit that tre. Cut me some slack ! My first day back skating. But then one of the highlights of my day was when Rob was trying to teach me backside feebles on the round rail. I kept getting into boards. Soo, idk. Just thought what if I just threw it a little more. . Baaam, bluntslides. Waxedd that shit up, bluntslid half the rail first day learning that trick. I'm sincerely happy with things right now. Familywise growing toward positive atonement. Academically, slowly climbing to the top! Just got to stop procrastination. . Because you know, I put the PRO in PROcrastination. -____-"
Blahhhh. Fawk, anyways. Girlfrienddd is incredible. Always manages to make me happy from the slightest thought. One I know can be trustedd. It's been a while since I blogged ! I miss it sooo. I needa start doing this more. . Especially now I feel like this after the whole you know, gettting kicked out of the house episode is over. After a long talk, I now reside back in my old room which I've missed. With my old 'housemates' I've missed. Ahaha. I really feel like there's hope now. . Hope I'm going to feel better about everything. According to the weather as well. haha ! Awhh. I'm just swimming in joy and accomplishment. . After not much thought, I've realized that one quote I see a lot makes a lot of sense reallly.


"Life's not complicated, you make it that way." 100% true.


I just need to slow everything down and accomplish everything I set my mind to along the way hustling karma and keeping a smile on my face as well as those respected.


I can do this,


The lord has judged me. He knows I can. Thank you. .